“I know.”
“So why today?”
She pressed both palms against the edge of the table.
“Because last night you fell asleep in the chair with Mom’s old anniversary card in your hand.”
I remembered waking around two in the morning, neck stiff, the living room lamp still on.
Anna continued.
“You’ve spent ten years being loyal to a version of her that wasn’t complete.
And I’ve spent ten years helping keep it that way.”
I looked toward the vase.
“So you followed me.”
“Yes.”
“You took the flowers off her grave.”
“Yes.”
“And brought them here.”
Her voice broke.
“I needed you to see something impossible enough that you couldn’t walk past me again.”
I almost laughed, but there was nothing funny in me.
“You could have just handed me the envelope.”
“I’ve tried.”
“For ten years?”
She nodded.
“On your birthday when I was fifteen.
The Christmas after I graduated.
The night I moved out.
The morning I moved back after my breakup.
I kept thinking, ‘Today I’ll tell him.’ Then I’d see you talk about Mom, or you’d call me your girl, or you’d say I had her eyes…”
Anna covered her face.
“And I would get scared all over again.”
I walked to the sink and stared through the rain-streaked glass.
My reflection floated over the gray backyard.
I was angry with Evelyn.
Not the clean, temporary anger people feel during an argument.
This was anger with nowhere to go.
She was dead.
I could not demand an explanation.
I could not make her sit across from me and experience the damage her choices had caused.
For a decade I had spoken to marble while the only person who could answer me had already written everything she intended to say.
And Anna had kept the answer upstairs.
That hurt too.
I turned around.
“I’m angry with you.”
Anna went still.
I watched fear spread across her face.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Ten years is a long time.”
“I know.”
“You decided what I could handle.
Just like she did.”
Anna flinched.
“I know.”
“You let me stand at that grave every week without knowing.”
“I know.”
“Stop saying that.”
She closed her mouth.
I rubbed both hands over my face.
“But listen carefully to the next part.”
