This time the silence was longer.
Then he exhaled.
“So you found it.”
Those four words made my anger return.
“Found it?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, Richard.
I don’t.
Explain it.”
He tried to speak gently, which somehow made everything worse.
“I knew you wouldn’t take money from me after the divorce.”
“You handed me the card yourself.”
“And you didn’t use it.”
“Because you told me it held three thousand dollars.”
“That was the only way I could get you to keep it.”
Emily looked at me, furious.
I kept my voice level.
“Why didn’t you tell me about the deposits later?”
“You would have closed the account.”
“Yes.”
“Exactly.”
There it was.
Not generosity.
Not entirely.
Control.
Richard had decided what I deserved, decided how I should receive it, decided what information I could be trusted with, and then built a secret system around me because he believed his intentions gave him the right.
“You thought lying was better than letting me choose?” I asked.
“I was trying to help you.”
“You were trying to help yourself feel better.”
His voice hardened.
“That isn’t fair.”
I almost laughed.
After everything, Richard still wanted fairness to begin at the exact point where his discomfort started.
“I fainted last week,” I said.
The anger disappeared from his voice.
“What?”
“I fainted outside my apartment.
The doctor says I need treatment.
I went to that bank today because I finally became desperate enough to spend the three thousand dollars you told me I had.”
He said nothing.
“I have eaten crackers for dinner, Richard.”
Still nothing.
“I cleaned kitchens.
I collected cans.
Daniel paid my phone bill.
Emily sent grocery cards.
And every month you sent money into an account without telling me it existed because you had decided you understood my pride better than I understood my own life.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You made sure you didn’t have to know.”
Emily reached over and squeezed my hand.
Richard’s voice dropped.
“I thought you would use the card.”
“And when I didn’t?”
“I thought eventually you would.”
“For five years?”
He had no answer.
